What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
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