Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
