can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
no more duck duck goose at the bar
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
