That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
