i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Send help, water and tortillas.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
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