I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
