bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
