I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
