I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
