Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
