Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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