Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
i now understand why vodka
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
