I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
