Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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