they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
