These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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