We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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