I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
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