i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Drunk is not a location!
Randomize
