your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
