Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
