There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
