Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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