I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
