Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
