I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
