I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
