Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
