I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
