Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I DEMAND FORESKIN
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
