It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
