I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
