I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
zippers are such a cool invention
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
