Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Found the puke drawer
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Randomize
