You're so nebulous sometimes
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Floor bacon is actually really good
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
