One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
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