He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
