i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
