my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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