you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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