it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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