was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
