The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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