Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
