I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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