It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I'm too high and old for this...
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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