im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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