Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
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