After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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