Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
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I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
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Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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