I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
