Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
