I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
