I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
