please come you make the beer taste better
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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