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I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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