We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
