i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
21 Bartenders That Are Definitely Winning At Their Jobs
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?