Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?