My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
she looked like the before picture.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious