if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
