So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
i will never coherently bang her
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Randomize
