He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize