I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
