i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
