So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
