"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
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