Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
