I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
i just had sex bonerless
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
