Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
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