its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
