I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
i out mim tonsoeep
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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