You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
